I am a true Austenian at heart. I have read every Jane Austen novel, and seen multiple film versions of them. What is more, I am a Romantic, in the most Victorian sense of the word.
But my Romantic sensibilities are tempered with a heavy dose of Realism. For example, chances are that a man who I am repeatedly rude to, and who happens to own a very large estate, will not propose multiple times to me. Chances are that a man will not secretly long for my hand while trying to honorably uphold his secret engagement to a woman he no longer loves.
Nevertheless, I have retained my Romantic ideals, but in a very non-Austenian way. My Romance is with someone beyond the imagined character of any fictional hero. My Romance is with my God.
Now, before you write me off as delusion, allow me to explain. It began a long time ago, when I was only a little girl, playing in the woods, climbing trees, and dreaming up exciting worlds of adventure. There was a calling, not from my world of dreams, but from the depths of my very pliable heart.
This calling was by a Father who loved me, when I had done nothing great and still thought mostly about myself most of the time. He asked me to be His own. And my little girl’s heart whispered, “yes.”
As I tumbled through life, being burned and bruised through failed friendships, failing to live up to my own or others’ standards, I began to need an outlet, a wishing well to confess my sorrows to. My Father lovingly and patiently allowed me to pour out my troubles to him. My soul found solace first in the Psalms, where I found I was not the only one who stored up troubles to relate to God. I journaled, I read the Bible, I went on walks in the woods or naturalistic surroundings to meet with Him.
Then, something happened. In the midst of my expressions to God, he began to remove my thinly veiled self-pity. He began to comfort me through His love. He began to widen my horizons, leading me to pray for those who were ill, those who were missionaries, and even for those I was at odds with at school.
As my eyes were opened to the needs of others around me and in the larger world, my heart was moved to act. I wanted to help. But I was not yet ready.
Gently, God began to show the depths of His love for me. Tenderly, He showed me the ways He demonstrated grace to me daily, through small gifts and moments I had missed before. He melted my heart when I didn’t even know that I had been hardening it.
As He romanced me, I began to see my unworthiness. His wild, unbound love left me undone. So undone, that I repeatedly began to pray that I would do anything for Him. Only, He did not ask for flashy gifts, nor extravagant sacrifices. He asked instead for my heart. He asked for my faithfulness, my obedience, and my worship. And for these, I must remember to ask Him for grace to give daily.
Now, my heart being satisfied by my true Romancer, I cannot think that any man will do. That is, no man could ever romance me in such a way as this. My ideals have been more than met. But, if God so chooses, there may be a man equally enamored with God who would be my loving companion on earth, and I, his.
Alas, Austenians and Romantics- do not despair! For true love does exist. But we can only truly enjoy earthly romance when we have found the sweet, unrelenting passion displayed in Divine Romance. And the fullness of this passion can only be realized when we allow God's love to change us.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
What is God's Will For My Life?
I like to know things in advance. I like to map out a plan and be prepared. When it comes to my relationship with God, I know He has the best plan for my life. Therefore, I should simply follow His plan. If only it were that simple! Besides the fact that I am often distracted by making my own plans, when I actually stop to consider God's will for my life, I am faced with a world of difficulty.
The reality is that any piece of information God reveals about how He is at work is only a small part of a greater whole. He gives us mere glimpses of the bigger picture He is able to see.
God doesn't want us to be ignorant of His bigger plan, but the truth is that we can't understand its fullness, being limited by our humanity. As a science fiction fan, I can think of examples of persons trying to fit knowledge too great for them to handle inside their heads. One is Rose Tyler in Doctor Who, as she looks into the space-time vortex inside the heart of the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). She sees the whole of the universe and time, and as a result cannot maintain homeostasis. She is overwhelmed.
Another example is Col. Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG-1, who looks into an ancient repository and absorbs vast amounts of information from the database of the Ancients, but begins to lose his mind along with a deterioration in his homeostasis. Neither character can handle, nor appropriately use, the overwhelming amount of information they are given.
I imagine it is somewhat similar for us. Our minds cannot begin to approach the greatness of God's mind. I doubt very much that we could handle too much of His mind at once. What is more, in our corrupt nature we would be sorely tempted to manipulate what He shared with us for our own use (if possible). He shares with us only so much as is needed to guide us.
When I was in 9th grade I first began to really pray in earnest, desiring to know what God wanted me to do with my life. In those early years, God showed me the gifts and desires He had given me: to reach people from all nations and to encourage others in the faith through writing. With these things in mind, I went on missions' trips and then to a state school as an English major.
All the while, I was afraid. I was afraid because I thought I would choose the wrong things and not be of use to Him anymore. And if I was not of any use to Him, I feared He might no longer love me.
This is not true. God always loves us. Nothing can separate us from His love (Rom. 8:39). He gives us freedom to reject it---but even then we cannot cease its flow. This is a truth I have had to re-learn countless times along the way.
With knowledge of His love, I know I can approach Him with all my 101 questions about life. In discerning His will, however, I often want to demand information from Him, as if I have a right to it.
What He reveals to us of His plans, even those concerning ourselves, is a gift and not a right. In John 15:15 Jesus demonstrates the extent of this gift, as we are no longer called God's servants, but His friends, as He chooses to share part of His knowledge with us. We are shown great honor by what God allows us to know.
What God allows us to know, however, is not always the information we are seeking.Sometimes instead of telling me the place He wants me to go or the person He wants me to meet with, He reminds me to have a generous heart, being self-sacrificing as Christ was. I cannot tell you how irritating this is when I am looking for specific instructions! When I pray sometimes I just want directives, not high-minded principles!
Prayer is the best thing to do when we are seeking God's will. It is vital to seek His face, just as Abraham had to do at every point in his journey. God gave Abraham ample blessings and promises, but each came with a time lag.God promised to give Abraham a child, and offspring as numerous as the stars...but he remained childless for years. God was going to give him a Promised Land...but Abraham had to travel through Egypt and the Middle East, walking in circles with his entire family and livelihood, before he approached it.
Along the way, Abraham acted corruptly, having a non-promised child with his wife's maid and lying about the identity of his wife. At the same time, he also stopped at several points along the way, building altars to call upon the Lord.
Though we should not imitate the former, we would be wise to imitate the latter. The altars we need to build today are in our hearts. We need to demonstrate in our hearts a reverent respect for God's plans in our prayers. In praying "thy will be done," we must really mean it. We need to ask God to give us truly submissive hearts. When He does, only then are we ready to listen to and follow His will.
Perhaps His will for you today is to give Him glory in front of others, to show kindness to a coworker or family member who rubs you the wrong way, or simply to seek His face. Sometimes we do things just to do things. Perhaps He is simply calling You to rest in Him. Perhaps He is calling you to do away with a part of your life which is not honoring to Him.
If you will listen, He will map out the plans He has for your life. He doesn't simply promise that He has plans for us, but also that, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13).
I do want to end with a few self-reflective questions I have found helpful in this process as well:
1) What has God given me passion/ interest in?
2) What is my personality type?
3) What is my gifting?
4) How has God used my personal history to shape who I am today?
5) What are some needs God has brought to my attention?
6) What do Godly, trusted persons in my life say about me?
May God bless you as you seek His will.
The reality is that any piece of information God reveals about how He is at work is only a small part of a greater whole. He gives us mere glimpses of the bigger picture He is able to see.
God doesn't want us to be ignorant of His bigger plan, but the truth is that we can't understand its fullness, being limited by our humanity. As a science fiction fan, I can think of examples of persons trying to fit knowledge too great for them to handle inside their heads. One is Rose Tyler in Doctor Who, as she looks into the space-time vortex inside the heart of the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). She sees the whole of the universe and time, and as a result cannot maintain homeostasis. She is overwhelmed.
Another example is Col. Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG-1, who looks into an ancient repository and absorbs vast amounts of information from the database of the Ancients, but begins to lose his mind along with a deterioration in his homeostasis. Neither character can handle, nor appropriately use, the overwhelming amount of information they are given.
I imagine it is somewhat similar for us. Our minds cannot begin to approach the greatness of God's mind. I doubt very much that we could handle too much of His mind at once. What is more, in our corrupt nature we would be sorely tempted to manipulate what He shared with us for our own use (if possible). He shares with us only so much as is needed to guide us.
When I was in 9th grade I first began to really pray in earnest, desiring to know what God wanted me to do with my life. In those early years, God showed me the gifts and desires He had given me: to reach people from all nations and to encourage others in the faith through writing. With these things in mind, I went on missions' trips and then to a state school as an English major.
All the while, I was afraid. I was afraid because I thought I would choose the wrong things and not be of use to Him anymore. And if I was not of any use to Him, I feared He might no longer love me.
This is not true. God always loves us. Nothing can separate us from His love (Rom. 8:39). He gives us freedom to reject it---but even then we cannot cease its flow. This is a truth I have had to re-learn countless times along the way.
With knowledge of His love, I know I can approach Him with all my 101 questions about life. In discerning His will, however, I often want to demand information from Him, as if I have a right to it.
What He reveals to us of His plans, even those concerning ourselves, is a gift and not a right. In John 15:15 Jesus demonstrates the extent of this gift, as we are no longer called God's servants, but His friends, as He chooses to share part of His knowledge with us. We are shown great honor by what God allows us to know.
What God allows us to know, however, is not always the information we are seeking.Sometimes instead of telling me the place He wants me to go or the person He wants me to meet with, He reminds me to have a generous heart, being self-sacrificing as Christ was. I cannot tell you how irritating this is when I am looking for specific instructions! When I pray sometimes I just want directives, not high-minded principles!
Prayer is the best thing to do when we are seeking God's will. It is vital to seek His face, just as Abraham had to do at every point in his journey. God gave Abraham ample blessings and promises, but each came with a time lag.God promised to give Abraham a child, and offspring as numerous as the stars...but he remained childless for years. God was going to give him a Promised Land...but Abraham had to travel through Egypt and the Middle East, walking in circles with his entire family and livelihood, before he approached it.
Along the way, Abraham acted corruptly, having a non-promised child with his wife's maid and lying about the identity of his wife. At the same time, he also stopped at several points along the way, building altars to call upon the Lord.
Though we should not imitate the former, we would be wise to imitate the latter. The altars we need to build today are in our hearts. We need to demonstrate in our hearts a reverent respect for God's plans in our prayers. In praying "thy will be done," we must really mean it. We need to ask God to give us truly submissive hearts. When He does, only then are we ready to listen to and follow His will.
Perhaps His will for you today is to give Him glory in front of others, to show kindness to a coworker or family member who rubs you the wrong way, or simply to seek His face. Sometimes we do things just to do things. Perhaps He is simply calling You to rest in Him. Perhaps He is calling you to do away with a part of your life which is not honoring to Him.
If you will listen, He will map out the plans He has for your life. He doesn't simply promise that He has plans for us, but also that, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13).
I do want to end with a few self-reflective questions I have found helpful in this process as well:
1) What has God given me passion/ interest in?
2) What is my personality type?
3) What is my gifting?
4) How has God used my personal history to shape who I am today?
5) What are some needs God has brought to my attention?
6) What do Godly, trusted persons in my life say about me?
May God bless you as you seek His will.
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