I am a true Austenian at heart. I have read every Jane Austen novel, and seen multiple film versions of them. What is more, I am a Romantic, in the most Victorian sense of the word.
But my Romantic sensibilities are tempered with a heavy dose of Realism. For example, chances are that a man who I am repeatedly rude to, and who happens to own a very large estate, will not propose multiple times to me. Chances are that a man will not secretly long for my hand while trying to honorably uphold his secret engagement to a woman he no longer loves.
Nevertheless, I have retained my Romantic ideals, but in a very non-Austenian way. My Romance is with someone beyond the imagined character of any fictional hero. My Romance is with my God.
Now, before you write me off as delusion, allow me to explain. It began a long time ago, when I was only a little girl, playing in the woods, climbing trees, and dreaming up exciting worlds of adventure. There was a calling, not from my world of dreams, but from the depths of my very pliable heart.
This calling was by a Father who loved me, when I had done nothing great and still thought mostly about myself most of the time. He asked me to be His own. And my little girl’s heart whispered, “yes.”
As I tumbled through life, being burned and bruised through failed friendships, failing to live up to my own or others’ standards, I began to need an outlet, a wishing well to confess my sorrows to. My Father lovingly and patiently allowed me to pour out my troubles to him. My soul found solace first in the Psalms, where I found I was not the only one who stored up troubles to relate to God. I journaled, I read the Bible, I went on walks in the woods or naturalistic surroundings to meet with Him.
Then, something happened. In the midst of my expressions to God, he began to remove my thinly veiled self-pity. He began to comfort me through His love. He began to widen my horizons, leading me to pray for those who were ill, those who were missionaries, and even for those I was at odds with at school.
As my eyes were opened to the needs of others around me and in the larger world, my heart was moved to act. I wanted to help. But I was not yet ready.
Gently, God began to show the depths of His love for me. Tenderly, He showed me the ways He demonstrated grace to me daily, through small gifts and moments I had missed before. He melted my heart when I didn’t even know that I had been hardening it.
As He romanced me, I began to see my unworthiness. His wild, unbound love left me undone. So undone, that I repeatedly began to pray that I would do anything for Him. Only, He did not ask for flashy gifts, nor extravagant sacrifices. He asked instead for my heart. He asked for my faithfulness, my obedience, and my worship. And for these, I must remember to ask Him for grace to give daily.
Now, my heart being satisfied by my true Romancer, I cannot think that any man will do. That is, no man could ever romance me in such a way as this. My ideals have been more than met. But, if God so chooses, there may be a man equally enamored with God who would be my loving companion on earth, and I, his.
Alas, Austenians and Romantics- do not despair! For true love does exist. But we can only truly enjoy earthly romance when we have found the sweet, unrelenting passion displayed in Divine Romance. And the fullness of this passion can only be realized when we allow God's love to change us.
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