God Doesn't Need You, But He Wants You

Have you ever felt pressure to join a church or “get on board” with other Christians around you? Ever felt you have to do something, to commit to something, to prove that your faith in God is real?

Or perhaps you feel the opposite. Perhaps you think that as long as you have a notion that God exists and because you pray to Him, you can live your life as you please, but are assured you are going to heaven.

Both of these views are not what God says to us. The first is listening to the voice of a Christian subculture, and the second is listening to our own desires (also known as the world and the flesh).

God never says in scripture, “I need you to be more active in church. I need you to help more homeless people. I need you to read your Bible and pray more. You owe it to me because, after all, I sent my Son Jesus to die for you.”

God also never says, “Hey, man, I just got a lot of love for you. Whatever you want to do is cool. Just go with the flow and I’ll try to stay out of your way.”

Instead, God says, “I created you to be like me (Gen. 1:26-27). I love you. I made you and I said that you are good (Gen 1:31). When you lead a life that doesn’t obey me, it shows that you don’t love me back (I John 5:3). I want you to follow me with your whole heart, loving others as yourself (Luke 10:27).”

God wants us to be in a loving relationship with Him. He is not looking to be a dictator over our lives, nor a vice principal whose office we get dragged down to when we have not “done the Christian thing” correctly. He is a perfect Father, and a Shepherd who cares for us, His sheep, when we do stupid things and mess up.

So here is what I propose: our hearts should be naturally and continuously responding to God with love, if we are truly understanding what He has done for us. His kindness towards us should lead us to repent! And try to live a life that pleases Him (Romans 2:4).

And here is what He has done for us:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

God didn’t ask us to repent first. He has shown His love first, offering forgiveness for all we have done wrong. Our desire to please Him should come not from obligation, but from gratitude. 

So the next time you feel pressure, or feel no desire to serve God, remind yourself that you are a sinner in need of God's grace and mercy, and then remember how freely He offers it! Accept God’s forgiveness and commit your ways to Him today!

The Importance of Submission

From the time we are children we are under authority. At first, this is out of necessity. We have many needs we are not even aware of and cannot meet on our own. Supervision and guidance are necessary to care for, protect, and teach a child.

In light of this, it seems natural that children should submit to their parents. I am sure every parent would laugh at that statement. Children do not naturally submit, nor do adults. Nor do most people I know, myself included.

For example, I often catch myself disregarding signs and precautions as though they were put there for someone else. Parking regulations, “do not enter” signs, rules and regulations given by figures of authority which I don’t see a need for--I tend to treat these with nonchalance. This tells me I have a natural aversion to submission in my heart.

Objectively we can see the theoretical need to submit- to each other in the body of Christ, to authorities God has placed over us, as children to parents and as wives to husbands. If there is not submission, there is anarchy and disorder. If no one makes the rules and no one plays by the rules, society and homes end in chaos.

Allow me to give an illustration: If students in a classroom setting, or employees in a corporate setting, choose not to submit to the given authority, what ensues? Students will begin to talk over the teacher, throw things at each other, walk in and out of the classroom as they please, antagonize one another, and the learning environment will disintegrate. Employees will begin to take longer breaks, come late to meetings if they choose to come at all, become less productive, and thus the company will begin to suffer.

These are examples in a wider setting, but submission is also important in all relationships. In Ephesians, believers are encouraged to greet one another “in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord,” while also “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:18-21). Submitting to each other is part of showing reverence for God and building each other up.

Submission is an act of the will, and cannot be cultivated externally. One person making another submit is not a lesson-it is oppression. Submission must happen first in our minds- to God, and then to others, out of principle, and this will lead to a right practice of it.

So what does it look like to submit to one another? When Jesus’ disciples are arguing about which one of them is the greatest, He admonishes them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all”  (Mark 9:33-37).

To submit is to serve the other. This does not mean simply performing menial tasks for others. Rather, it is a privileging of others’ thoughts, opinions, needs, interests, etc. above one’s own. This can be done in the way we approach one another, speak to one another, and respond to one another.

Admittedly there are specific relationships where Biblically submission is directly prescribed, such as in Ephesians 5:22-24, where wives are implored to submit to their husbands, “as to the Lord.” Submission is very telling about our relationship with God. If we truly trust Him, then we can pray for those in authority over us, and for those around us when we are having trouble submitting. Then we must believe that He is working in their hearts and minds (not just our own!). If we have a pattern of not submitting to others in our lives, this is most likely indicative that we are not really trusting God.

To clarify, I think submission is going to look different in different kinds of relationships, as a woman is not going to submit to her husband in exactly the same way as she did to her parents when she was younger. The nature of that relationship is different. The principle, however, is the same.

I also want to say what submission is not: it is not pretending that we do not have any needs, nor is it dismissing our own thoughts, opinions, etc. as unimportant. Rather it is being able to discern those moments when we can bend to the other because perhaps what we think is not the most important thing. We should act out of conviction, not impulse, seeking to serve, not to be the master.

The best picture of submission is that of Jesus Christ to His Father. He was equal with the Father, but humbled Himself, becoming less by taking the form of a man (Philippians 2). In all He did on earth, He prayed that the Father’s will would be done.

The idea of submission is offensive! If we “give in” to others, they may just think we are a doormat! Well, perhaps. And there are some who may seek to abuse our submissive attitude. At that point it would be wise to address the issue with that person and let them know he/she is taking advantage of us. If he/she doesn’t care, another believer may need to step in to help resolve things. But too often the problem is not that we are too submissive, but that we simply want to preserve our own dignity and reputation. And believe you me, I do speak from personal experience in this matter.

Valentines' Day: Does True Love Exist?

“Loves Stinks!” “Valentines' Day is just another commercial holiday!” “They should rename Valentines’ Day “Single’s Awareness Day.”” All these and more are sentiments from those who have been burned by, or felt they have missed out on, romantic love. Romantic love is held as the highest form of love in today’s society. Thus those who do not have it or have been disappointed by it often feel a pang in their hearts when it is brought up. I am sure everyone knows the disappointment that comes with romantic rejection.

My first “valentine crush” was in first grade. He was loud, rude, and rebellious. I thought he was hilarious. Being a shy, quiet 7 year old girl, I simply admired him from afar. On the back of my daily journal, however, I wrote that I loved him (with his name). I wrote it perhaps 10 times in large letters.

When his best friend was collecting the journals, he spotted what I had written and showed it to the boy I admired. They both laughed mockingly at me, so I naturally vehemently denied having written it.

It was around this same time that this young man chased my best friend at recess, professing his undying love to her and proposing marriage. I was glad she turned him down, even when he was clinging to the back of her shirt and being dragged on the ground as she tried to escape from him. It was then I had to face the truth: he had no romantic interest in me. At all.

I learned at a young age the disappointment of unrequited love. It would become a blessing in my later years. I would become determined to love, faithfully, even when the other person did not love me back. This may seem foolish, even desperate, but I assure you it has served me well.

What needed to change was not just the type of love I was seeking, but also the way in which I sought it. I hoped, I pined, but I never let him know.

Many years later, in Sunday School, we were instructed to make a valentine for someone we thought might need it. I had the idea that it might be nice to give a secret valentine to a boy. A new boy had moved to town, so I also reasoned that he might be a little sad or uncomfortable in my school. I had no expectation attached to it: I just wanted to let him know that someone thought he was special.

As my sister knew his sister, I asked her to make sure it got to him. Well, he got it. His sister must have forgotten my request to remain anonymous, as she pointed me out to him. For the next two years he and his friends did not let me forget it. One thing was for sure: I was cured of having any romantic thoughts towards him. In fact, It became a daily sign of self-restraint that I did not punch him in the face, as he sat next to me in one of my classes, snickering and making gestures to his friends.

After this I thought there was wisdom in concealing anything I ever felt towards a man. The problem with this ultimatum was that I often ended up communicating distrust or even dislike. This was an unhealthy way to deal with my emotions regarding romantic love. I knew there had to be a better way to navigate these murky waters.

I began reading books on romance in my teen years and even swore off dating until I felt I was ready to be married. This was a personal conviction, however, as I had not stumbled upon “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Josh Harris yet. I was determined to be faithful to my future spouse.

This brings me to a current dilemma facing young Christian women: what if one is “ready” to be married? What if Christian men (as many Christian women have noted) don’t seem to be taking initiative or interest?

I have heard all the ultra-conservative arguments that women should not take any initiative in a romantic relationship. I have heard worldly arguments that say that in the modern era women should be able to act the same as men in terms of relationship-initiation. In the book of Ruth in the Bible, I have been perplexed by Naomi’s seeming indiscretion in telling Ruth to go offer herself as a spouse to Boaz. In that case, it seems it was a culturally accepted custom and because of the familial connection through Naomi this was deemed appropriate.

So here is how I would instruct young women interested in a man. This not as an authority, but rather as my perspective thus-far constructed in this learning process: You can let him know, subtly, that you are interested. How you do it does matter. It should be done humbly (not “showing off” so to speak), lovingly (taking his needs into consideration), and without seeking validation. By this I mean your interest in him as a person needs to be genuine, without needing the interest to be mutual. Christ displayed a selfless, humble love which should be a model for whoever we are seeking to love.

In essence, I Corinthians 13 is a good model for dating. Also, as far as being attractive goes, I would offer I Peter 3:1-6 as encouragement to adorn ourselves with good works and allow God to develop an inner-beauty by continually seeking Him. This is very counter-cultural--but it is good practice for married life.

Real love is sacrificial (Agape) love. True love is what Christ demonstrated on the cross. We can begin practicing this in all relationships in our lives, so that by the time God does bless us with a spouse, we will be “ready.” Valentine sentiments just won’t do. It must be the real thing.

And as far as our hearts are concerned, we need to continually offer our desire to be married to the Lord, trusting Him to work that out. He really does care for us and will provide a godly spouse. If we encounter continual disappointment in this area, we can ask for His comfort. He has given us the Holy Spirit for times such as this.

Confession of a Former Austenian: Divine Romance

I am a true Austenian at heart. I have read every Jane Austen novel, and seen multiple film versions of them. What is more, I am a Romantic, in the most Victorian sense of the word.

But my Romantic sensibilities are tempered with a heavy dose of Realism. For example, chances are that a man who I am repeatedly rude to, and who happens to own a very large estate, will not propose multiple times to me. Chances are that a man will not secretly long for my hand while trying to honorably uphold his secret engagement to a woman he no longer loves.

Nevertheless, I have retained my Romantic ideals, but in a very non-Austenian way. My Romance is with someone beyond the imagined character of any fictional hero. My Romance is with my God.

Now, before you write me off as delusion, allow me to explain. It began a long time ago, when I was only a little girl, playing in the woods, climbing trees, and dreaming up exciting worlds of adventure. There was a calling, not from my world of dreams, but from the depths of my very pliable heart.

This calling was by a Father who loved me, when I had done nothing great and still thought mostly about myself most of the time. He asked me to be His own. And my little girl’s heart whispered, “yes.”

As I tumbled through life, being burned and bruised through failed friendships, failing to live up to my own or others’ standards, I began to need an outlet, a wishing well to confess my sorrows to. My Father lovingly and patiently allowed me to pour out my troubles to him. My soul found solace first in the Psalms, where I found I was not the only one who stored up troubles to relate to God. I journaled, I read the Bible, I went on walks in the woods or naturalistic surroundings to meet with Him.

Then, something happened. In the midst of my expressions to God, he began to remove my thinly veiled self-pity. He began to comfort me through His love. He began to widen my horizons, leading me to pray for those who were ill, those who were missionaries, and even for those I was at odds with at school.

As my eyes were opened to the needs of others around me and in the larger world, my heart was moved to act. I wanted to help. But I was not yet ready.

Gently, God began to show the depths of His love for me. Tenderly, He showed me the ways He demonstrated grace to me daily, through small gifts and moments I had missed before. He melted my heart when I didn’t even know that I had been hardening it.

As He romanced me, I began to see my unworthiness. His wild, unbound love left me undone. So undone, that I repeatedly began to pray that I would do anything for Him. Only, He did not ask for flashy gifts, nor extravagant sacrifices. He asked instead for my heart. He asked for my faithfulness, my obedience, and my worship. And for these, I must remember to ask Him for grace to give daily.

Now, my heart being satisfied by my true Romancer, I cannot think that any man will do. That is, no man could ever romance me in such a way as this. My ideals have been more than met. But, if God so chooses, there may be a man equally enamored with God who would be my loving companion on earth, and I, his.

Alas, Austenians and Romantics- do not despair! For true love does exist. But we can only truly enjoy earthly romance when we have found the sweet, unrelenting passion displayed in Divine Romance. And the fullness of this passion can only be realized when we allow God's love to change us.

What is God's Will For My Life?

I like to know things in advance. I like to map out a plan and be prepared. When it comes to my relationship with God, I know He has the best plan for my life. Therefore, I should simply follow His plan. If only it were that simple! Besides the fact that I am often distracted by making my own plans, when I actually stop to consider God's will for my life, I am faced with a world of difficulty.

The reality is that any piece of information God reveals about how He is at work is only a small part of a greater whole. He gives us mere glimpses of the bigger picture He is able to see.

God doesn't want us to be ignorant of His bigger plan, but the truth is that we can't understand its fullness, being limited by our humanity. As a science fiction fan, I can think of examples of persons trying to fit knowledge too great for them to handle inside their heads. One is Rose Tyler in Doctor Who, as she looks into the space-time vortex inside the heart of the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space). She sees the whole of the universe and time, and as a result cannot maintain homeostasis. She is overwhelmed.

Another example is Col. Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG-1, who looks into an ancient repository and absorbs vast amounts of information from the database of the Ancients, but begins to lose his mind along with a deterioration in his homeostasis. Neither character can handle, nor appropriately use, the overwhelming amount of information they are given.

I imagine it is somewhat similar for us. Our minds cannot begin to approach the greatness of God's mind. I doubt very much that we could handle too much of His mind at once. What is more, in our corrupt nature we would be sorely tempted to manipulate what He shared with us for our own use (if possible). He shares with us only so much as is needed to guide us.

When I was in 9th grade I first began to really pray in earnest, desiring to know what God wanted me to do with my life. In those early years, God showed me the gifts and desires He had given me: to reach people from all nations and to encourage others in the faith through writing. With these things in mind, I went on missions' trips and then to a state school as an English major.

All the while, I was afraid. I was afraid because I thought I would choose the wrong things and not be of use to Him anymore. And if I was not of any use to Him, I feared He might no longer love me.

This is not true. God always loves us. Nothing can separate us from His love (Rom. 8:39). He gives us freedom to reject it---but even then we cannot cease its flow. This is a truth I have had to re-learn countless times along the way.

With knowledge of His love, I know I can approach Him with all my 101 questions about life. In discerning His will, however, I often want to demand information from Him, as if I have a right to it.

What He reveals to us of His plans, even those concerning ourselves, is a gift and not a right. In John 15:15 Jesus demonstrates the extent of this gift, as we are no longer called God's servants, but His friends, as He chooses to share part of His knowledge with us. We are shown great honor by what God allows us to know.

What God allows us to know, however, is not always the information we are seeking.Sometimes instead of telling me the place He wants me to go or the person He wants me to meet with, He reminds me to have a generous heart, being self-sacrificing as Christ was. I cannot tell you how irritating this is when I am looking for specific instructions! When I pray sometimes I just want directives, not high-minded principles!

Prayer is the best thing to do when we are seeking God's will. It is vital to seek His face, just as Abraham had to do at every point in his journey. God gave Abraham ample blessings and promises, but each came with a time lag.God promised to give Abraham a child, and offspring as numerous as the stars...but he remained childless for years. God was going to give him a Promised Land...but Abraham had to travel through Egypt and the Middle East, walking in circles with his entire family and livelihood, before he approached it.

Along the way, Abraham acted corruptly, having a non-promised child with his wife's maid and lying about the identity of his wife. At the same time, he also stopped at several points along the way, building altars to call upon the Lord.

Though we should not imitate the former, we would be wise to imitate the latter. The altars we need to build today are in our hearts. We need to demonstrate in our hearts a reverent respect for God's plans in our prayers. In praying "thy will be done," we must really mean it. We need to ask God to give us truly submissive hearts. When He does, only then are we ready to listen to and follow His will.

Perhaps His will for you today is to give Him glory in front of others, to show kindness to a coworker or family member who rubs you the wrong way, or simply to seek His face. Sometimes we do things just to do things. Perhaps He is simply calling You to rest in Him. Perhaps He is calling you to do away with a part of your life which is not honoring to Him.

If you will listen, He will map out the plans He has for your life. He doesn't simply promise that He has plans for us, but also that, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13).

I do want to end with a few self-reflective questions I have found helpful in this process as well:
1) What has God given me passion/ interest in?
2) What is my personality type?
3) What is my gifting?
4) How has God used my personal history to shape who I am today?
5) What are some needs God has brought to my attention?
6) What do Godly, trusted persons in my life say about me?

May God bless you as you seek His will.

Women, the home, church leadership...

How do I begin? I suppose I can simply tell you that I don't have this all figured out. But I want to share with you my thoughts, after many years, much researching, and many heated conversations. As a woman, I have constantly wondered: what is my purpose? In the world? In the church? Am I doing it wrong?

Many use Biblical passages in a way that makes me feel that women must be less than men, and should therefore devalue themselves. Women already feel that way! And I do not find this to be a Biblical standpoint at all. I am not about to go all "crazy Christian feminist" on you. I want to present a small case of Biblical womanhood and how it can relate to Biblical manhood.

I am of the persuasion that God gives mandates to preserve a right relationship between men and women which reflects his purpose in creating them. In the creation account, both male and female are given dominion over all creation and commanded to multiply. They are to work together. Some have argued that, as Adam was created first, he is therefore superior to Eve. However, all the rest of creation was made before people, so this argument does not seem to hold.

There is something undeniably unique about the way God creates Eve, however. Everything else in creation was made from nothing--or in Adam's case, was made from dirt. Why does God make Eve from Adam? Why does he choose Eve to be the future bearer of the messiah (indirectly)? She is both bound to Adam and to God in the first few episodes of the world.

So what does this mean? Ultimately, Eve is a part of Adam. When they come together, they are recognizing God's purposeful created bond between them. Eve owes her existence to Adam's physical sacrifice. Adam desires Eve's company. It is not good for man to be alone. God created Eve for Adam's companionship, but also for something so much more. She is his own flesh.

How does this inform ordination/ women in the home? First of all, in dealing with issues of gender, I would make a distinction between arguments about authority and arguments about roles.  I want to talk about this issue not from a "who's in charge" stance, but from a "what purpose has God given each gender" stance.
The purpose of both, in general, is to take care of creation, enjoy blessings from it, and have children. However, they are not originally given roles separate from one another. They are given interconnecting roles. I have heard this described before as a dance. She is made to be his helper in ruling. This means she has an active leadership role in the world no matter what. He is to leave all to be with her, recognizing his need to be rejoined with his helper (Genesis 2:22-25).

I realize this sounds egalitarian. But just wait. The nature of Adam and Eve's relationship should be termed interdependence. However, just as they are dependent on one another, so they are also dependent on God-for sustaining all of creation, including themselves. Both are below God and on the same level.
This informs us of the relationship between men and women in the home, as they need to recognize their interdependence on one another and their mutual dependence on God. But then how can the man be the head of the woman? (I Corinthians 11:3) I would argue that this passage has to do with the man being the spiritual leader of the household. Though both are dependent on God, the man is given a special obligation to imitate Christ in his love for the church towards his wife. This is true headship. I could go on forever about the numerous ways in which Christ's love is displayed towards His church. The most striking is in his willingness to lay down his life for her. How about some men who are so passionate about leading their families spiritually that they serve and love their wives?

The female response to this must be to submit. Even as I type that word I cringe. It has been so misused. This submission is anything but passive. Love does not demand a response, but certainly asks for one. True submission is doing what the church so often fails to do: to be imitators of Christ in self-sacrificing good works, to follow His example, and to listen to his words respectfully. Not to simply do whatever he tells us to do just because we think we should. Our hearts need to be involved in the matter.

So women need to respect their husbands. Not in a "should" sense, but in a responsive sense.
As for ordination, might I say that there was not a social structure in place at creation, as there was only one man and one woman. When many people are involved, the situation needs to be re-assessed. Therefore, I would not apply the creation account to church leadership, but rather to the marriage relationship, as that is how it is explained in the end of Genesis 2.

Instead, I would look at passages on church structure. Much is said in the way of different members performing different God-given functions. In these passages, no distinction is noted between men and women (I Corinthians 12, Romans 12, etc.). In interpreting prophesy, however, women are encouraged to learn in silence (I Corinthians 14:34-35). This social prohibition is coupled with a connection to the husband-wife bond. The woman is encouraged to learn, but not to declare the word of God directly (as interpreting would do). This can be linked to the passage in I Timothy 2:8-15. Again, women are encouraged to learn, to be submissive, and not to exert authority over a man.

There is a part of me that still wants to rile against this! But I believe it is because of the connotations I have with the words used. submit does not mean be a doormat. Not having spiritually authority does not mean being un-empowered. Women should learn so that they can teach other women. Women should learn so that they can lead alongside the Adams by doing good works. Women can love men actively by listening respectfully, being supportive, and offering assistance. None of this makes women inferior. This makes women some strong, powerful influences in the church. God wants to use men to preach His Word; He wants to use women to learn and practice His word. And both can learn from each other how to do the other function in appropriate contexts.

You are a Failure

Failure. The word can have a haunting ring to it. I think it is one of Satan's most deadly weapons. If he can keep us in self-berating, depressing thought cycles, he can inhibit us from God's work. He may not be able to crush our faith, but he can distract us if we allow him to.

I had a dream a number of years ago. I was in an interrogation room, dimly lit, with a suave-looking business man. He was friendly, charismatic, and seemed to know much about my life story. He told me God was not going to stand up for me because of all I had done which demonstrated disloyalty to Him.

I protested, but could not formulate any coherent arguments. All I could sputter in my panic were things such as, "but I have faith!" and, "I know I've been disloyal, but I've tried." Lame, I know.

A few weeks later, I had a follow-up dream. This time the same man (Satan) was in my church, in the stairwell, telling me that God did not love me. Three times he told me this, and each time God brought a scripture verse to mind. I quoted John 3:16, telling him that God does love me and sent his Son for me. I talked about how God is love and then, at last, I stated firmly that I had done wrong, owning all of it, but I told Satan that God's love was more powerful than my sin.

There have been many times I have failed: in relationships, in missing deadlines, in paying my bills (before the days of Paypal ;), in leadership, and most of all, in my relationship with God. In my younger days, I failed God by not always standing for the truth. More recently, I fail Him by choosing self-leadership instead of allowing His word and Spirit to guide me.

Besides the fact that I'm sure you've deduced I have some psycho-spiritual issues going on, there is an underlying theme to my dreams and the times in my life when I've felt depressed: it is a fear that my failure must somehow separate me from God. Theologically, I know this to be very untrue.

God's love really is more powerful than sin. It is certainly more powerful than failure. In fact, it is thinking very much of ourselves and the impact we have in the broader scheme of things to imagine that our failures are so big. The phrase, "pride goes before a fall" rings true not just in leading to foolish action, but also in  leading to emotionally turbulent waters. When we trust in ourselves, and then find ourselves to be fallen, we can become stuck in that place like a slough of despondency (a-thank-you John Bunyan for this illustration).

God does not want us to remain there. This is why we need not only love, but grace. It is by love that God wins our hearts, but it is by grace that He saves our souls. God's grace does not make us perfect all at once so that we can be with God (eitherwise we would be with Him today), but it takes its time. Each failure can become a teaching moment instead of a burden. We can face the ugliest parts of ourselves with the confidence that God still loves us. We can trust that all that we have done wrong yesterday, today, and tomorrow has already been paid for.

I love Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray as an illustration of this (albeit a negative one). A painter friend makes a portrait of Dorian in his youth. He is "unspoiled" by the world and, to all appearances, fairly innocent. As he begins to dabble in disreputable lifestyle  choices, however, such as spending time in opium dens, with prostitutes, and even eventually committing murder, something curious occurs. The portrait is marred and disfigured to reflect what Dorian has inwardly become.

The real Dorian, however, retains his outwardly innocent, youthful visage. The truth is that we, like Dorian, do not wear our sins on our faces. Our darker sides hide within, and we can only see them when reflected in God's word. If I really ask myself if I am living a lifestyle that reflects both thoughts and actions which are peaceful, patient, kind, etc, I conclude that my portrait begins to look like Dorian's.

I have a leering grin, greedy eyes, and a devious brow. It is only by continuing to come back to God, trusting in His love and grace, wherein I am changed. The grin becomes a grimace before it can become a genuine smile. The eyes become filled with sorrow before they can brightly twinkle. My brow must be stitched in agony before it can relax in contentment.

So if you ever ask yourself if you are a failure: well, you are. I am, too, for that matter. The good news is that God's love and grace are not dependent on our success. They are dependent on who He is, and that does not change.